STIR CRAZY
- Hank Goldstein
- 6 days ago
- 2 min read
Trump@Alcatraz.nuts
Himself has instructed the usual toadies to come up with a plan for re-opening the derelict federal Alcatraz Prison in beautiful San Francisco Bay. Closed since 1962, it caged fewer than 350 felons. The self-described maven real estate deal maker knows very well that this absolutely screwy idea is going nowhere. But it emphasizes, focuses and reinforces his tough-guy strong-on-crime bravura and heats up his base.
As a tourist attraction, Alcatraz pulls in about $60 million a year for the National Park Service. To restore it as a prison would likely cost far more than that to rebuild and operate day-to- day. But reality has never mattered to Trump. Everything is for effect and to tantalize the media, whether pro or con.
Alcatraz is in such terrible shape that it cannot be economically refurbished let alone rebuilt. Mold, crud, slime, corroded pipes, and shark-infested waters abound. A renascent Alcatraz will confine the”worst people,” a classification known only to Trump himself. Famous former residents have included Robert Stroud, a convicted murderer and self-taught ornithologist (Burt Lancaster played him in the Birdman of Alcatraz movie) and gangster Al Capone who spent years there, was released and died of syphilis at home in Florida.
One imagines that the Trump/Alcatraz/Mar-a-Lago–West will boast of ornate trappings — a Melania Meditation Room, a Barron Activity Center, a Trump golf course and a Don Jr. & Eric Trump Gold Room with exclusive membership payable solely in Trump’s memecoin. The $5 million get-into-US-free gold card presently being flogged by 45/47 to high net worth migrants offer a bonus: They can have their pictures taken in mock cells equipped with imitation gold sinks and commodes. Photo ops in a fake execution chamber, underwritten by Ivanka Trump & Jared Kushner, will be on offer.
However, Alcatraz did not perform executions. Death row inmates were sent to nearby San Quentin for, uh, processing. Capital punishment was ended there in March 2019.
Photo: zazzle.com